Have you ever had what you felt was a horrible day? Just one thing after the next would go wrong. You woke up late and rush to the shower. You nearly break your neck getting into the tub because someone spilled body wash when the tub was dry and didn’t clean it out.
You clean it out and get in only to discover there is no body wash left because what was remaining spilled on the tub floor, almost taking your life and the jackhole who did it didn’t have the common courtesy to say something. With your MacGyver mind, you resort to adding water to the bottle in hopes to get the remnants of Garden Mist out. You finally get enough soap for a proper lather only to have the water go cold.
Annoyed, after your cold shower, you dry off and grab the bottle of lotion and guess what…same thing. So you unscrew the pump and beat the middle of your hand with the bottle trying to get out enough for your hands, knees, elbows, ankles and any other area that may be seen and appear ashy if you don’t lotion it.
Now you’re clean..(ish) and lotioned..(somewhat) and you look in the closet. What to wear. You pull out a pair of shorts you haven’t worn in a minute and ask yourself “Why haven’t I worn these? I love these shorts!” and with confidence you put them on. You try on top after top only to choose the one you chose first (15 mins ago!).
Looking at the time you realize…”Shit, what am I doing?? I’m late!” (Note: late is late. really, if your 10 mins late or 20 mins late…accept it. Moving faster will not rewind time..you’re not Superman). You get yourself together and head out the door. What you forgot (and don’t realize) is that you didn’t change your shoes and are still wearing your comfy fuzzy slippers!
As you lock the door, your elderly neighbour gets your attention and asks for your assistance. Not wanting to look like an ass and brush her off, you stop to see what she needs. She proceeds to tell you that her grandson forgot to take the garbage out to the curb before he left for school and she asked for your assistance. That’s when it hits you…it’s Thursday!! Apparently you’re the only one that is able to understand the concept of putting out garbage and own trash hasn’t been put out!
So you agree to help her and she guides you to her garage. As you approach you see what she failed to mention is that she’s a hoarder and her grandson didn’t forget to put it out, he headed for the hills when he saw how much she had to throw out!! You look at her and say,
“Ms. Johnson, I’m sorry but this is a lot of garbage and I don’t see how I’ll be able to get it out own my own”. She gently lowers her head and replies,
“That’s ok dear, if you’re too busy to help a widow of 55 years, I understand. I would do it myself but I had both hips, both knees, my left elbow, my right wrist and my neck bone replaced. The doctor says if I have one more operation, I WILL die.”
With a blank stare you look at her. You wonder, ‘ is she being serious?’ She has at least 10 big garbage bags…and that’s of what can be seen. You think quickly…’what do I do?!’
Then you hear it…in the distance…the truck is coming! That’s when you realize! My garbage isn’t out!!
You look at her. You look to your house. You look at her. You look to your house. You resolve that this widow of 55 years needs your help.
You grab a couple of the bags and run to curb. You run back to garage and back to the curb. You proceed to do this 4 more times before the truck makes it to her house. As you approach her house to tell her that’s the best you can do, she looks down and says “Oh my…I’m sorry my dear. I forgot..those were bags of hats and mittens I knitted for homeless children in third world countries.”
At that point, you look over to see the garbage man heave one of the bags in the compactor. You run towards him to stop him from throwing out the rest. You bring the bags back to her house. She opens one and says with a playful chuckle “Oh my goodness…looks like my age is catching up to me, this actually is garbage.” She looks up in reflection and says “That’s right…those nice people already came by to collect the hats and mittens last week.”
Now…you’re ready to shit yourself. Better yet, you’re ready to shit in her bags of garbage. You look at her frail wrinkled face smiling and you take a deep breath. Not only are you sweating (and can’t take another shower as there is no more soap), your own garbage didn’t go out either!
You look at her and nod and through gritted teeth you say “That’s ok Ms. Johnson. Next week I’ll help you from the night before and we’ll make sure the garbage gets out. Will that be ok?” She kindly pats your arm and says “Yes deary, that would be perfect. You’re such a sweet soul” and winks.
You turn towards your car and shake your head. You get in and when you step on the break you think “Why does the pedal feel like that?” You look down and that’s when you realize, you’re still wearing your slippers. You shrug your shoulders and put the car into reverse. You know you have flip-flops in your trunk somewhere so you’ll just sort it out after.
Finally, an hour and half later, you’re own your way. You figure “At least there won’t be any traf….” and before you can finish your thought. A sea of red lights ahead. There’s a traffic jam. You feel your back tense up and you grip the wheel even tighter. Uncertain of the hold up, you turn on the radio to hear….
To be continued….